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Relational Healing

Patterns of relationship are influenced by those key people who were raising you. These affect your adult relationships and you may see repetition of who you attract, the emotional charge that keeps getting activated in relationship (intimate, work, friendships) which impinge on your self-worth, your willingness to trust others, and how you interpret their behaviours. It's not a simple, tick box quiz exercise. There are deeply unconscious links that take time to unpack and tease out. If you want relationships to change, giving yourself the space to go deep with your exploration, in multiple ways, can open up a whole level of insight that gives you the power of choice. Choices of expectations, boundaries, communication, and tolerance for uncertainty. What a gift for you and the others you care about and want in your life.

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This is a very simplified illustration on John Bowlby's work on Attachment. You are not a fixed style. Nor is a secure person perfect. Relationships are much deeper, and internal working models take time to map, as they are often unconscious. Trauma can also disrupt our mentalisation abilities.

 

It is only in relationship with another that we can open up pathways to understanding 'ourselves from the outside' and 'others from the inside'. 

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Attachment Wounds

Relational healing is the process of repairing the wounds we carry from early relationships — especially those that left us feeling unsafe, unseen, or unworthy. At the heart of this healing lies attachment repair: the restoration of trust in connection.

 

​Attachment injuries often form in childhood, when our caregivers were unable to consistently attune to our emotional needs. These disruptions shape our nervous systems and internal working models, leading us to anticipate rejection, neglect, or intrusion in future relationships. Left unhealed, they echo through adult life, in intimacy, friendships, parenting, and even how we relate to ourselves.

 

​But attachment is not a fixed fate. Through safe, attuned relationships — including therapy — we can begin to experience a new reality: one where connection doesn’t mean danger, and vulnerability doesn’t lead to abandonment. This process involves co-regulation, emotional attunement, and repatterning ... gently rewriting the story our bodies and hearts have learned.​

 

Relational healing isn't about depending on others for wholeness. It's about reclaiming the capacity to connect without fear.

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We  repair not only our relationships with others, but also the internal bond between our own protective parts, and our wounded inner child. 

 

We heal the mother (or father) wound, replacing it with  trust, safety, and love.

 TAKE THE NEXT STEP

and email me at hello@liveaspiritedLife.com

© 2020. 

“I’ve struggled with low-confidence and anxiety most of my adulthood. These things have been real inhibitors in feeling like I can show up as my true, authentic self, particularly in professional spaces.

Working with Elaine has been an incredibly gentle, organic process of release and deep exploration.

What I loved most was this approach to understanding the many unique parts of myself, which helped to break down the confusion I often experienced at not understanding what was going on inside me.

This journey felt safe, natural and authentic, and I feel far more comfortable to take a breath and step back to acknowledge what’s going on, internally and externally.

I would highly recommend working with Elaine for anyone who has struggled with a sense of confusion, and is curious to explore things from a deeply intuitive and organic approach.”

M.H. (Auckland) 2025

“Working with Elaine has been transformative. She brings such a professional, kind, and deeply considered approach to every session.

Her ability to read between the lines, noticing what was  coming from the head vs heart, created a space where the sides of me, had space to be fully seen and understood.

My sessions were cathartic, unlocking or uncovering emotions and more understanding of my own operating system.

Elaine’s compassion and thoughtful questions allowed me to open up in ways I hadn’t before. I’m so grateful for the experience and the growth I’ve gained from working with her.

Thank you, Elaine.

A.H. (NZ) 2025

Working with Elaine was life-changing. Here’s my journey…

Before therapy I came to Elaine after suffering severe burnout and unimaginable loss. Within two months, I lost both my mother and my sister-in-law, two anchors in my life. This followed years of 70+ hour workweeks, leading a Covid response team, supporting my husband through a breakdown, and losing my brother during lockdown.

By March 2023, I collapsed. I left my job in October with no backup plan, mentally and emotionally depleted. I couldn’t even string a sentence together.

Elaine helped me uncover parts of myself I’d mistaken for strength. What I thought was resilience was actually my manager and protector selves shaped by past trauma. Her approach was gentle but deeply intuitive.  

From our very first session, something shifted. I woke up the next morning feeling calm, connected, and reassured. It was as if an inner voice whispered, “You’re going to be okay.” Doubt crept in later that day, but, unlike before, it vanished. That was new. That was healing.

I’m now more attuned to my inner world. When uncertainty arises, I can identify which part of me is speaking. I’ve learned to thank these parts for showing up. They’ve always been there. I just hadn’t noticed. Now, I honour them.

At work, when self-doubt creeps in, I pause and ask: “Did I achieve what I set out to?” I’ve stopped chasing impossible standards and started recognising the value in what I do.

What's changed? I’ve found clarity and a sense of inner peace. I sit with discomfort, unpack it, and move forward with intention. The weight has lifted. My soul feels lighter.

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For anyone considering therapy, you won’t regret it. Elaine’s approach is gentle, intuitive, and deeply effective. She knows how to guide you inward, to help you explore, heal, and become a better version of yourself.​

B.W.

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