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Welcome to my blog.
What I write reflects my knowledge, interpretation, and context at the time of publishing—not necessarily my current views. I am always learning, growing, and refining my thinking, and I believe it is both my right and my duty to do so.

These pages may not reflect every shift or insight. I write to make sense of life; you are invited to read, reflect, question, and decide for yourself. We are all made of many parts—some still forming, some in conflict, some yet unknown. Experiences may reshape the meaning for both of us.

 

"Those who cannot change their minds, cannot change anything." – George Bernard Shaw
 

May my words be a spark for your own exploration of what it means to make sense of the world.

With blessings,

Elaine

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The Science of Self-control

Updated: Aug 19

LEARN SUSTAINABLE WAYS OF SELF-CONTROL
LEARN SUSTAINABLE WAYS OF SELF-CONTROL

SUMMARY OF THE BOOK: The Strength Model of Self-Control”

 by Baumeister, Vohs, and Tice



Chapter 1: What Is Self-Control and Why It Matters

1. Self-control is the ability to override impulses to align behaviour with values, goals, or societal norms.

2. It plays a major role in resisting temptations (e.g., food, aggression, laziness).

3. Self-control is distinct from automatic self-regulation (like homeostasis). It is effortful and conscious.

4. Poor self-control is linked to addiction, overeating, crime, underachievement, and emotional instability.

5. Self-control is central to the self ... it's not just a behaviour, it's a key part of identity and functioning.



Chapter 2: The Strength Model of Ego Depletion

1. Self-control operates like a muscle—each act uses a limited resource.

2. After exertion, people experience ego depletion, impairing future self-control efforts.

3. This has been demonstrated across many tasks: thought suppression, emotional regulation, resisting temptation.

4. Ego depletion isn't just demotivation or low self-efficacy—it’s resource-based.

5. The term “willpower” regains psychological relevance through this energy-depletion model.


Chapter 3: The Role of Glucose & Biological Energy

1. Acts of self-control lower blood glucose, a key brain fuel.

2. Restoring glucose (e.g., via sugary lemonade) can reverse ego depletion temporarily.

3. Artificial sweeteners (no glucose) do not restore willpower.

4. The body’s energy is used for complex, rational, effortful control—this is biologically expensive.

5. This strengthens the case that self-control isn’t just “mental”—it’s metabolic.


Chapter 4: Strategies to Build and Sustain Self-Control

1. Just like muscles, self-control can be strengthened with regular use.

2. Practicing small efforts (e.g. improving posture, using non-dominant hand) leads to gains across life areas.

3. People conserve energy if they expect future self-control demands.

4. Motivation, rewards, and goals can temporarily override depletion effects.

5. Positive emotion, implementation intentions (“if X, then Y”), and social goals all help counteract depletion.


Chapter 5: Broader Implications & Future Directions

1. Self-control affects intelligence, decision-making, and morality (e.g., racial tolerance, relationship kindness).

2. Impression management and social interactions can drain self-control.

3. The model suggests the self is dynamic, using energy for complex social and moral actions.

4. Training self-control can improve education, therapy, parenting, and leadership outcomes.

5. Unlike IQ, self-control can be improved at any age—offering hope for wide-ranging positive change.


How INTERNAL FAMILY SYSTEMS (IFS) approaches Self-Control:

When a part has been working hard all day (e.g., suppressing anger or urges), it becomes depleted, increasing the risk of “exile flooding” or impulsive firefighter takeovers.

I’m depleted” becomes “This part is tired of holding the line.”


Firefighters step in when managers fail.

e.g. After holding it together at work, a person overeats or drinks because the manager is depleted and the firefighter hijacks the system. Invite compassion for both the manager who tried hard, and the firefighter who’s trying to help in its own way.


In IFS-informed practice, we build willpower not by white-knuckling, but by helping protective parts relax into trusting the Self to lead.


Self is limitless—calm, clarity, compassion aren’t resources that run out. What gets depleted is our access to Self-energy due to part activation. When depleted, check “who’s in the lead?” Often it’s a part who thinks it has to carry everything alone.


Just like muscle building, Baumeister’s research supports gradual self-control training (e.g., using the non-dominant hand). In IFS we might combine this with daily check-ins with parts who

  • Resist discipline

  • Fear failure

  • Distrust consistency

    “Before I do a willpower task, can I check in with who’s afraid I’ll burn out or fail?”


Self-control is the ability to align with our highest values. In IFS, we don’t force this alignment, we negotiate it with the parts of us that are protecting, reacting, or fearing. The strength model reminds us that these parts get tired. IFS helps us lead with Self, so we no longer rely on brute willpower ... but on inner collaboration

 
 

 TAKE THE NEXT STEP

and email me at hello@liveaspiritedLife.com

© 2020. 

“I’ve struggled with low-confidence and anxiety most of my adulthood. These things have been real inhibitors in feeling like I can show up as my true, authentic self, particularly in professional spaces.

Working with Elaine has been an incredibly gentle, organic process of release and deep exploration.

What I loved most was this approach to understanding the many unique parts of myself, which helped to break down the confusion I often experienced at not understanding what was going on inside me.

This journey felt safe, natural and authentic, and I feel far more comfortable to take a breath and step back to acknowledge what’s going on, internally and externally.

I would highly recommend working with Elaine for anyone who has struggled with a sense of confusion, and is curious to explore things from a deeply intuitive and organic approach.”

M.H. (Auckland) 2025

“Working with Elaine has been transformative. She brings such a professional, kind, and deeply considered approach to every session.

Her ability to read between the lines, noticing what was  coming from the head vs heart, created a space where the sides of me, had space to be fully seen and understood.

My sessions were cathartic, unlocking or uncovering emotions and more understanding of my own operating system.

Elaine’s compassion and thoughtful questions allowed me to open up in ways I hadn’t before. I’m so grateful for the experience and the growth I’ve gained from working with her.

Thank you, Elaine.

A.H. (NZ) 2025

Working with Elaine was life-changing. Here’s my journey…

Before therapy I came to Elaine after suffering severe burnout and unimaginable loss. Within two months, I lost both my mother and my sister-in-law, two anchors in my life. This followed years of 70+ hour workweeks, leading a Covid response team, supporting my husband through a breakdown, and losing my brother during lockdown.

By March 2023, I collapsed. I left my job in October with no backup plan, mentally and emotionally depleted. I couldn’t even string a sentence together.

Elaine helped me uncover parts of myself I’d mistaken for strength. What I thought was resilience was actually my manager and protector selves shaped by past trauma. Her approach was gentle but deeply intuitive.  

From our very first session, something shifted. I woke up the next morning feeling calm, connected, and reassured. It was as if an inner voice whispered, “You’re going to be okay.” Doubt crept in later that day, but, unlike before, it vanished. That was new. That was healing.

I’m now more attuned to my inner world. When uncertainty arises, I can identify which part of me is speaking. I’ve learned to thank these parts for showing up. They’ve always been there. I just hadn’t noticed. Now, I honour them.

At work, when self-doubt creeps in, I pause and ask: “Did I achieve what I set out to?” I’ve stopped chasing impossible standards and started recognising the value in what I do.

What's changed? I’ve found clarity and a sense of inner peace. I sit with discomfort, unpack it, and move forward with intention. The weight has lifted. My soul feels lighter.

For anyone considering therapy, you won’t regret it. Elaine’s approach is gentle, intuitive, and deeply effective. She knows how to guide you inward, to help you explore, heal, and become a better version of yourself.

B.W.

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